


Of Broken men

by Ancalima



Series: For his need [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Hurt and comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-22 20:32:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4849547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalima/pseuds/Ancalima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being captured by Red Templars was never going to end well. Loki knows this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Pushing. 

The Red Templars had been pushing hard.

It was suppose to just be a small scouting mission, just right around the newly set camp of the Emerald Graves. Just a quick one which was why Loki had grabbed Varric, Blackwall and Sera to help him scout out the area and then return back to the camp with the others, knowing better then to leave his companions alone for to long.

Maker knew they would argue if he wasn't there to break them apart.

But they had come upon a camp of Red Templars and had been spotted, leaving Loki and his four man group no other choice then to fight. Blackwall had of course blown and inwardly the Inquisitor prayed that the camp had heard it even as he summoned his magic to him, the knight enchanters blade shimmering into view as he burst into action, slashing away at the foot soldier closest to him while barriers glimmered blue across his body.

But there were just so many of them, all pushing, all fighting and there was just four of Loki's group there.

And that was why he was distracted, trying to keep everyone alive even as they were pushed and prodded, defending himself and his friends. Loki didn't notice the edge of the cliff, his eyes on Varric, drawing a barrier up around the dwarf as the red Templar general pushed Loki backwards, a evil grin crossing what had once been a human face as Loki faltered back with a shocked cry, the Vashoth unable to catch himself as he fell back and down, his last view of his shocked friends faces before he hit every rock and outcrop on the way down.

The barrier flickered out and dissipated halfway down and then everything was pain. Loki felt bones break and half closed injuries reopen, new ones joining them before he finally came to a still at the bottom of the cliff, Adaar barely conscious as he did.

He was just one pulsing knot of pain, green eyes blinking as he tried to move but every move was agony to his body and all the noises were so far away from him. The mage was sure his ribs had taken a beating, perhaps even broken, as had his nose from the feeling coming from his scarred face. 

The Inquisitor, leader of a powerful force that could challenge almost any nation with the army it had gathered, whimpered in pain and nausea, forcing himself to remain awake.

'They'll come find me...they have to...shit, Maker's tits...everything...everything hurts.' Loki hissed as he tried to move a arm and found it throbbing.

'They have to find me...'

He thought, mind fading in and out, only the dimming light telling him just how much time was passing along with the cold in his body. Soon both the pain and the cold were fighting against him. 'Bull has to come...he wouldn't...wouldn't leave me out here...' Perhaps he was getting a bit desperate, but Loki knew that Bull would not be the one to stop looking for him first. He knew the mercenary leader would fight tooth and nail and continue looking until he was exhausted.

But how long would it take for someone to find him.

Loki's mind faded out once again only to be brought back to the world of the living at a shout.

“Here! I found him! I found the Inquisitor!”

Loki almost sobbed. He didn't recognize the voice but someone had found him. Someone had found him where he had landed. He shuffled a bit to turn his head and his relief turned to horror as all he saw was Red.

~~~~ 

“What do you mean he's not here!” Cassandra shouted, her dark brown eyes narrowed with emotions. “He fell down here, we know he did!” She gestured to where Bull was standing, a piece of ripped leather clenched between his massive fingers. Part of the Inquisitors coat.

“He is not here anymore my lady. He might have moved.” A nervous scout offered. 

“Then find his tracks! He is injured and there are still Red Templa-”

“Hurts so bad.” Cole suddenly said, his fingers brushing a rock with darkened red spots on it. “Aching, tearing, must have broken something, every move spikes of agony through my body. So cold, how long. Why has no one found me yet? Bull will find me. He has to find me. Bull has to come. Bull always comes. My Kadan always comes.” 

Bull's hand threatened to tear the leather apart between his fingers.

“Shout, Maker's breath, I've been found, I'm going home. Agony in lifting my head but needing to see. Fear curls through, Red. They are Red.” 

A ominous silence settled on them all.

The Red templars had come before them. They had been to late.

“...Vishante Kaffas.” Dorian swore, summing up what they were all thinking.

~~~~

Being dragged away from where he had fallen had hurt, not that Loki had given his captors the pleasure of hearing him whimper. He knew the bastards would get of on that. They were already crowing at being the ones to capture the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste.

Talking so eagerly about delivering him to Samson and then to Corypheus himself. 

Loki glared at them from where he was sitting, arms cruelly tied behind his back, not that he would have been able to defend himself even if they were free, his right arm was broken from the fall and they had also dosed him with magebane to cut him from the fade so there was also that. 'Perhaps they lost the ability to cut mages from the fade while using red lyrium.' He thought sullenly, scrowling around the gag in his mouth. 'Templar bastards...shit everything still hurts.' He shifted, biting down on the gag hard as the already broken bones in his body jarred even more.

He looked up and noticed one of the Generals were staring at him. Or rather at Loki's horns.

Loki's hands curled into the rope that was biting into his tanned skin, his body tensing slowly. 'What is he doing...what is he THINKING....' It had always been hard to understand someone wearing a fucking helmet but one of these Red bastards were impossible to read.

And then the Templar stood, grinning in a way that shot cold ice into Adaar's stomach.

“Boys, as you all know, I was in Kirkwall when the oxmen were there.” He shouted, never removing his eyes of their captive even as shouts of recognition came from all over the camp. “As such, I saw what they did to their mages.”

Loki's forhead furrowed and then his eyes widened. Fight came back to tired and aching limbs as he struggled with the ropes on his arms. 

No. No they couldn't! 

Loki would not allow this.

“Oh look at him fight! It seems the Inquisitor himself knows too! I say we bring this oxman down a few pegs for Samson and our master Corypheus!”

Loki snarled through the gag at the Red templar, pain, fatigue and broken bones as good as forgotten in the rush of adrenalin that went through his body. But he was getting nowhere as the general closed in the distance between them, his grin growing at the jeering cheers of his men as he did.

“Beside, a weak man is a better present. Easier for our master to dispose of after all.” One massive hand came down and grabbed a decorated horn, dragging Loki onto his knees even as the Vashoth tried to pull back. 

“I never did ask, is it like with cattle, will taking your horns hurt?” He sneered even as he pulled his weapon. “I guess we'll find out once I cut these things of you, they'd make a wonderful trophy, perhaps in Minrathous, I imagine the Tevinters would pay well for them.”

Loki bit harder down on the gag, glaring up at the man with his green eyes even as a tremble of fear went through him. Some of his fellow mercenary group had gotten their horns removed. They had been drunk of their asses though for it and there had been elfroot potion on hand for after. The blood flow had been cauterized so no infection would set in and then a salve applied.

But out here?

With Red Templars doing the deed?

It was going to hurt like a motherhumper, Loki just knew it.

And he was not disappointed. Pain unlike anything he had ever felt was aching through his head and down his spine, spreading through every limb as he thrashed and screamed into the gag as the Templar sawed through his horn with a sword, going right under where the metal decoration started, skipping going through the metal and thereby going close to the nerves. 

Easier to cut through the horn then the metal perhaps. Or perhaps the Templar knew it would hurt more if he went that way. He had talked of cattle, so he must know something, perhaps once a farm boy before he became a templar. 

It felt like forever, white hot agony spreading through his entire body when he finally dropped to the grassy floor, panting into the gag and shaking, sweat coiling down his body. Loki could taste blood in his mouth and vaguely hear laughter. 

“So even the mighty Inquisitor can scream!” More laughter but Loki ignored it as he felt warmth trickle down the side of his head. Had he screamed, Loki wasn't sure but he must have if they said so. To many black spots were dancing in his eyes and he felt like he was about to throw up any second.

“Now for the other one!” 

Loki groaned weakly as he was pulled up by his remaining horn, pained tears gathering in his eyes. It hurt so bad, everything hurt. 'Bull...'

He wanted to be back in Skyhold. In his room, Bull's arms wrapped tight around his waist, hearing the others heartbeat through layers of muscles and skin, fingers playing with the dragon tooth necklace. He wanted to be sitting on the roof with Sera, both trying to throw cookies and hit the well. He wanted to sitting with Solas, discussing spirits and the fade with Dorian joining in with a comment now and then. Sparring with Cassandra and Blackwall in the courtyard. Having tea with his advisors after a long session at the war table. Trading stories with Varric while Vivienne watched from her lofty spot above the throne, a small smile on her face when Loki came to see her after.

Adaar let out a sharp cry as he felt pressure put on his already hurting left leg. “Ah, you're still with us then Inquisitor. Good, we wouldn't want this over for you to quick.” The man sneered to laughter from his men as he started sawing away at the horn.

'Bastards, wanting me awake for it all.' He thought sullenly before his mind was swept away with the pain, jerking and crying out into the gag as the sword hit nerves. It hurt like the blasted void had decided to drag him in. Behind him the Anchor flared with his emotions but unable to draw on the Fade, it only flickered with light, a harmless light show even though it startled several Red Templars.

“Easy boys! Its just light! He has no magic to use it now, remember!” The General jeered as he finished cutting through the horn, a smirk curling his lips cruelly as the Inquisitor dropped like a bag of potatoes to the ground again, shuddering and panting. “Give him another dose of magebane!” He held the horns in his hands, smirking even more before throwing them to one of his men. “And bag these! Samson might want to keep them!” They crowed even as a soldier hurried over and forced Loki's mouth open after tearing the gag off, pouring another vial of magebane into him.

'Its over...at least its over.' Loki thought shakily, his face moist with sweat and tears, his mouth wide so he could breath.

“Oi, anyone have a sewing needle and thread!?” 

'No...' Loki shuddered and fought to get up but with the amount of magebane in him and state he was currently in, all he could do was twitch and squirm a bit as the general ordered two rather hulking soldiers to hold him still, needle and fishing thread in the sadistic man's hand. 

He grabbed the mages chin and held it tightly, getting close and personal. Loki could smell the others breath, a rank smell that witnessed about decay. “You can scream with your mouth closed still Inquisitor.” Loki growled and tried to bite him, that only got laughs out of them before the General set to work. 

The needle STABBED through his lips, sharp and painful just like they meant to make it. The pull of the thread through his lips as the once human worked ached more then Loki wanted to admit. 

'Maker, just let me pass out already.' He thought desperately, feeling the heavy stitching the other was preforming on him. It felt like eons before the templar was done, Loki's lips sewed shut firmly, his head dropped to rest on his chest when his chin was let go, a shudder going through his body. 

And then he was dragged back by a harsh hand in his hair, white hair stained red with his own blood, the templar smirking at him. “We don't have any of those delightful masks they gave the mages but a blindfold will have to do.” He taunted, his harsh grip in Loki's hair remaining until a cloth came around the mages head, blocking out all the lights to leave him with only the sounds of the enemies taunts and jeers and the pain in his body.

He could only imagen his companions reaction when they found him, beaten, broken, dehorned and dosed up on magebane.

Hot air washed over his ear and Loki shuddered, wishing he could escape the painful grip on his hair. “Its going to be a long trip Herald, I am sure you'll be there if we need some entertainment.”

The implication sent shudders through Loki's body as he was dropped to the ground for the last time that night, sweat cooling on his body as he stared into the blackness of the blindfold. Blessed darkness enveloped him, the setting of unconsciousness finally claiming him.

~~~~

Bull hand clenched around the dragon tooth, his good eye scoping out the Red Templar camp. He wanted to just barge into it, he wanted to find his Kadan and get him out of there. He wanted to tear everyone in it apart.

But Solas had talked him out of that, letting everyone settle up around the camp as they should. Bull's thoughts on it all was compromised, everyone knew that. He couldn't help it, not with Loki somewhere there, void knew what those bastards had done to him! 

He gritted his teeth and looked at Sera beside him, her quick eyes also flickering over the camp, arrow resting on the bow. She was as ready as him to get down there, just waiting on the signal.

The plan was easy. Scouts setting up traps all around the camp except for a narrow mouth where they could go through once the traps were activated, the attack group distracting the Templars and in the meantime Cole would do his thing, find Loki and get him away, get him to safety.

Bull hand slowly slipped to the hilt of the ax his Kadan had given him. Bull had laughed as he accepted the weapon. 'Its almost as pretty as you.' He remembered teasing, delighting in the blush covering the others face as he waved Bull of.

Blackwalls horn blew and Bull tore out of their spot like a man possessed, the glyph of the traps lighting up behind them as they went, a arrow fizzing over his shoulder into a Templar throat from Sera.

He saw Cole for a few moments almost in the middle of the camp before the kid disappeared again, on his way to where ever they were keeping Loki. 

Perhaps it was the raw anger at the audacity of the Templars, perhaps it was the ambush itself or perhaps it was just them being better now that their numbers matched but the battle lasted no longer then a few minutes, blood coating the battle ground as the Templars fell to traps, to arrows, to magic and blades.

Bull's good eye saw Dorian raise their enemies to fight those who had once been friends, the Vints face set in a mask of anger even as Cassandra charged between the corpses right at a large General, her shield and sword ready.

Vivienne's fire and spirit blade, unmistakeable on the field now that Loki was not among the fighters, her spite aside as she fought side by side with Blackwall. Iron Bull knew that if Loki was seeing this, he would have been so proud.

And then silence, the eerie silence of a battle field with the dead on the ground. 

Any other time, Bull would have taken a few moments to look around but not this time. 

Cole.

Cole would have found Loki. So Iron Bull needed to find Cole and thereby the Inquisitor.

He vaugely heard Cassandra telling the Harding to burn the bodies as he made his way through the groups, seeing the lights of the traps go out, his grip slick on his ax from blood yet none of that mattered at the moment.

But when he found what he was looking for, the ax clattered from his grip, his steps halting from the shock. He hadn't expected to find Loki healthy, he hadn't expected to find him whole, not after falling down a cliff and being a day and a half in the grip of the Templars. But he had not expected to find this.

Cole had propped the Inquisitor against a massive tree, the spirits hands twisting together in uncertainty as he looked back to Bull for guidance.

Loki was shirtless, bruises and cuts on his body from the fall on full display, scars from fights through his life that usually only Bull saw, his arms were tied back and he must be numb in them with the way they were cutting into the olive tanned skin, blood and dirt coated him, his lips sewed shut, blindfold around his head and his horns...bleeding stumps. 

With horns it was either all or nothing depending on where they were cut and how the nerves were inside them. 

Bull moved over and knelt down, reaching out with a shaking hand to brush the others neck, feeling the pulse before pulling a knife, reaching behind the other to cut lose restrained hands, ignoring the gasp behind him as the others had joined.

Loki made a pained little noise that escaped through sewed lips, shuddering from pain and Bull swallowed. “Easy Kadan...we're here.” He murmured quietly, reaching up to push the blindfold of the man, green, red rimmed eyes looking at him in confusion before broken relief entered the gaze as Loki stared at Bull, a sob stuck in his throat.

“I know, easy, we're getting you out of this.” Bull promised, cupping Loki's cheek with his mangled hand, stroking the skin with his thumb before carefully cutting at the thread in the others lips.

Bull had never thought to hard about saarebas. Didn't want to. 

But seeing Loki like this, hearing the little gasps of pain as he was cut free from it....it made Iron Bull ache.

“Knew you'd come.” The whispered words from freed lips almost broke the mighty leader of the Chargers as he cupped the back of the others head, pulling Loki's forehead to his shoulder. 

“Always Kadan.”


	2. Back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki hurts from his experiance at the Red Templars hands.

The rumors reached Skyhold before they did and Loki tried so very hard not to react to the way others, servants and soldiers, at the keep was staring at him as he dismounted the horse, giving its neck a pat before handing the stallion over to Dennet, pretending not to see how the horsemaster was also staring while accepting the reins.

Loki had become rather good at ignoring how people were staring at the bandaged stumps on his head. Solas had insisted bandaging his head. To promote healing he had said while carefully smearing a poultice of elfroot and something onto the healing stubs. His broken arm in a sling against his chest as he mutely let himself be cared for, Solas carefully setting his nose, cleaning his face and working around to the other injuries. Sera behind him, carefully brushing the others hair and cleaning out a bit of the blood before braiding it up into its usual state, trying to pretend normal, trying to make things easier for Loki despite the shrillness in her voice. And right beside him, Bull, watching, his hand resting on Loki's knee.

Loki let out a breath, pretending not to notice Dennet's eyes flicker down to his chapped lips.

It was worse if someone stared at the pink scars around his lips somehow.

A warm arm wrapped around his waist and Loki looked up at the man beside him. Iron Bull stared back mutely, his arm warm and protective around his waist, a silent offer of support and comfort. Bull had not let him be alone since the rescue, trailing him usually as a quiet shadow, always within arms reach.

And the Inquisitor appreciated it, the ache and pain in his body requiring him to have someone help him. He let out a shaky breath through his nose. “I...I need to go talk to Cullen and Leliana...we need to... the war room...”

“I know. We can go there now.” The other murmured, helping Loki towards the stairs, the Herald almost swearing at the sight of them before leaning more on Iron Bull for support. He honestly just wanted to go to bed. Anything but be around people right now, even his silent companions that were following behind before going to their respective places despite obviously wanting to stick around Loki. Their eyes burned in his back almost.

It felt like people were either walking on eggshells around him or ready to tear into a rage fit on his behalf, though Dorian, Sera and Solas had tried to act as they usually did. Eyes always betrayed them though, glancing at the bandages on his head.

Even Bull was not acting his usual self but he was not staring. Bull was just protective over him. While it didn't feel nice exactly, it did feel like something he needed.

“Inquisitor! Oh Andraste's mercy.” Loki's head jerked up to look at Josephine, the human giving him a wide eyed look of worry before staring at his head too. She, like everyone else, must have heard the rumors.

Loki looked down like a beaten dog, swallowing heavily as he did, avoiding the dark and worried eyes of his diplomat. “Josephine, I need to...could you find Cullen and Leliana? I need to talk to you all in the war room.” He got out, his hand gripping Bull's shoulders, nails digging slowly into the grey skin.

“Goodness...yes of course, I will fetch them now.” Her hand gently touched Loki's arm and it took everything in Loki not to flinch from the touch even as his muscles tensed up. Josephine's hand stilled and he knew she must be either looking at Iron Bull or him.

“War room then.” She said softly, Loki giving a sharp nod before following Iron Bull through the groups of silent nobles watching them.

Loki winched as he heard the hum of talk once the door closed behind them, glancing at Iron Bull before looking away quickly. “Ignore them Kadan. They mean nothing here.” He said quietly, resisting the urge to pick the other up and carry him right to bed.

He knew Loki needed to do this, if not for his own sake then for everyone else. 'Right to his room afterward. I'll bar it if need be.' He thought inwardly even as he lead the mage through what was Josephine's office and through the hall to the great doors that contained the war room, sunshine from the broken wall shining in on them.

Only once they were inside did Loki pull away from the other, leaning on the war table instead as a reluctant Bull let go, watching. “Do you want me to stay?”

“I...yes Bull. I'd like it if you stayed.” The mage sighed, rubbing his face gingerly. The warrior reached out and rubbed the others back slowly with his broad hand, feeling the tense muscles underneath the cloth. Packing spare clothes was always a good thing and Loki had felt much better about things once he was wearing one of his shirts. Though he had stood there a few moments when he had effortlessly pulled it on instead of having to carefully get one horn through and then the other.

“Inquisit-Makers breath.” Loki winched as he heard Cullen take a sharp breath before the general hurried in and around him to look at Loki, the man staring in shock at the stubs that had once been impressive horns.

“Inquisitor.” Loki turned his head from Cullen to Leliana, Josephine following quickly behind the redheaded bard. She glanced at the stubs but had not stared, the spymaster obviously having been warned, perhaps by Harding or any of her scouts.

“Good, you're all here.” Loki shifted and straightened, putting his hand on his bandaged ribcage as he did. He was looking forward to just secluding himself in his quarters with Bull, just settling into bed and resting.

But right now, he had to be the Inquisitor. He had to be strong and...and...a ache went through his head from the stumps and Loki bit down on the inside of his cheeks, his nails digging into the wooden table.

'Work through it. Work through it.' He thought harshly, forcing his eyes open but not moving them from the maps on the table. “Leliana, we found quite a large encampment of Red Templars in Emerald Graves. I want you to investigate and if you find more of them, have Cullen send soldiers to take care of them. Taven, a dalish, and his group are there exploring a ancient elven tomb and with the interest both Corypheus and his minions have shown a unusual amount of interest in elven ruins, I'd rather they not get caught in the crossfire.” 

Another throb of pain went through his head.

Leliana was saying something. Loki struggled to listen. “It may be easier to have scouts check in on them instead. Dalish are not always welcoming of humans and we have elven scouts that may not upset them as much.” She said carefully and then she paused. “Inquisitor, are you alright?”

Loki tried to shake his head, it felt wooly and he needed to be able to concentrate. It hadn't felt clear since the others had managed to rescue him from the templars though. Most of the time on the way home he had spent sleeping. 

He still felt sorry for the horse which he had been tied to. He still couldn't believe Dorian had tied him to the damn horse but at least it had prevented him from slipping of said creature when he had fallen asleep.

No one had commented on it even as they took turns on tying the reins to their riding animals.

“I'm fine.” The lie slipped past his lips without any conviction behind it and Leliana sighed. “Perhaps we should wait wi-”

“No!” Loki jerked his head up only to stagger, the ache turning into a spike of dizziness through his whole body, white spots flashing inside his head and he would have fallen had it not been for the solid man behind him, catching him quickly.

“Easy Kadan.” Iron Bull rumbled, looking at the three humans before quite firmly lifting the other up bridal style, muscles straining a bit under the others dead weight. “You need to rest.” He murmured into a sharp ear as the mage panted against grey skin.

“I nee-...oh Maker, I need to throw up I think.” Loki swallowed heavily.

Iron Bull nodded to the advisors, trusting them to know what to do with the information they'd been given before turning, letting Josephine hurry around the table to open the door of the war room. He cradled the Inquisitor against his chest, feeling the others to hot forehead against his chest even as the bandages lightly rubbed against his shoulder as he stepped out, murmuring comfort as a female dwarf servant at the desk looked up then hurried to open the other two doors for them.

Her gaze was worried as she looked up at Bull and the Inquisitor, obviously wanting to ask but not daring to.

Iron Bull appreciated that right now, wanting to get Loki to bed and cradle the other in the comfort he needed.

Loki just wanted everything to stop floating and moving around him, shivering a bit against Bull's warm chest. Was it cold or was it just him, aching and tender that felt like it was?

He wasn't sure, he wasn't sure of a lot of things lately.

Not even Bull. 

Bull had been qunari.

He had believed in it. In what the Qun offered and had been...well proud of it, of how it helped him deal with the savageness that apparently lived inside them. And in the Qun, someone like Loki would have been bound and his horns cut, he would have followed orders or died if not, not even fit to be turned into a mildless laborer because of the magic that thrummed underneath his skin.

And now Loki was hornless, scars around his lips and pain in his body from it all. He LOOKED the part of a saarebas. 

So did Bull still want him, still trust him as he should?

“Stop that.” He looked up at the murmur that caused Bull's chest to rumble.

“You are you. You are the Inquisitor. The boss. My Kadan. Loki Adaar. Nothing will ever change that.” He tucked the other more against his chest as he made his way towards the throne and the door to the side that would lead up to Loki's room. 

“But...” Loki swallowed as the other dipped a bit to get the door open and slip inside, a flash of nausea curling through him again. “I look...I look like a saarebas.” He murmured quietly.

“You look like someone who's been hurt. Someone who could really do with sleep in a bed, proper food and a bath once he's up to it.” The warrior said firmly, his grip tightening a bit at what Loki said. 

“...You...You're not scared of me?” Loki whispered. “I know what the Qun thinks...both of mages and of hornless ones like me...” 

“Kadan, I would never fear you because I know you would rather do harm to yourself then to me or anyone you care about. Never willingly.” Iron Bull tried to sooth the other, feeling the tremble pass through his frame. “You are strong and beautiful to me. Nothing can change that, not a thousand tears or scars. You are you, no one else and that is what I...that is what I love about you.” Bull set Loki down on the bed and knelt in front of the other, staring at him with his good eye, making sure to catch his eyes. “I love you Loki.”

Loki stared at the other before taking a shuddering breath and throwing himself at the other, arms curling around his neck as he hid in it. “I love you...I love you...I love you too Bull.” He sobbed against the others neck.

The warrior closed his muscled arms around the other, holding him. “I know.” He stayed where he was, despite the ache it provided to his knees and his braced ankle, rubbing Loki's back slowly.

He waited until the other was empty of tears before shifting him back and slowly undressing him, throwing the clothes to the banister, getting Loki bare to his smallclothes. “Into bed.” He murmured, helping the other tuck into bed.

“Are you going to stay?” Loki tried not to make his tone fearful but it still clung to his words, like a unpleasant harbor odor to clothes.

“Yes, I'm just going to throw a log into the fire and undress too.” Bull promised, noting how Loki was watching him move, green eyes never leaving him. 'Those eyes, to scared...oh Kadan, how am I going to help you here?'

Sex would not fix the pain. Only time and assurance would make Loki understand that Bull was not going to just up and leave. That he was not going anywhere without the mage knowing about it. He threw the log in and returned to the bed, sitting down to get rid of the brace first before getting fully undressed and joining Loki, the bed dipping under them as Bull got comfortable, pillows settled in to support his head and horns before he pulled Loki firmly against his warm and muscled chest, stroking the others cheek gently.

Loki leaned into the hand, awkwardly trying to find out how his head now fit against the others shoulder and chest, the lack of horns making the job easier but reminding him of what he had lost.

It had not been pride or vanity that had made Loki love his horns. It had been the knowledge that he was different, he was not like those under the Qun, that he was free.

Now?

Now he was wobbling, awkward and unsure like a newborn duckling. Or a colt on shaky legs, trying to get its bearing before wolves smelled it.

“Stop it.” Bull rumbled, still caressing Loki's cheek slowly. “I know what you're thinking and you are NOT one of them.”

“I could have been...had my parents been under the Qun.” He looked at Bull. 

“But you aren't. Torturing yourself with what and ifs are pointless Kadan. We are here, you are here, safe, in your home with me. And I promise you, nothing will touch you here if I have to sit right outside the door with my axe I will.” He rumbled.

Loki peered at him then kissed the palm of the others hand.

Bull could tell he didn't believe the warrior, not yet at least. But he'd prove it to his mage, he'd say it as often as the other needed, he'd shout it from Leliana's tower if needed. He would prove it to his Kadan.

“You are gorgeous, just as you are and I love you.” 

Loki closed his eyes, feeling Bull's lips touch his forehead before he slipped of to a uneasy, exhausted sleep.


End file.
